Self-forgiveness on the elliptical!

Have you ever known you weren’t meant to be average, but never had that AHA moment

Mine finally came at 40!

I was on the elliptical trying to figure out who it was that I wanted to inspire as a health and lifestyle coach.  For some reason great ideas came to me when I was moving.

I so badly wanted to find my niche, my tribe, the people I was meant to help change, but what and who was it?

Suddenly this one thought filled my mind entirely.

A thought that hit me like a brick that came out of nowhere 

(or maybe it was the perfect timing).

This thought wasn’t about my niche or my tribe but about me, and my past!

It was right then and there that the realization of me never before  forgiving myself for being Bulimic and depressed for so many years, consumed my head!

I realized that the shame and guilt of what I had done was still with me and unknowingly affected me every day. 

It now made sense why I felt stuck in so many ways.

But why now? Why had it taken this long?

You can imagine what happened next:  I broke down into tears (still on the elliptical) and cried until I could cry no more.

After my heart had its say,  I went outside for a breath of fresh air.

I sat down and thanked my body for so many years of protecting the pain I had held onto since my mother’s death at 16, my divorce at 23 and the dread of turning 36 (my mom’s age when she passed away and the age that my grandmother passed away too)

I held my body tight, and showed gratitude to it for taking me this far and truly forgave myself and the damage I had done to my body for so many years.

I held my shame, my guilt, my eating disorder and my depression in my hands like a circle of energy.

I showed it my love and thanked it for all it had done, for serving its purpose, one that I no longer needed and then I let it go and watched it disappear into the sky.

 For the first time in my life I felt free. I felt a huge weight lifted, one I didn’t know I had carried with me for so many years.

And through all of this. it was now crystal clear who my tribe would be and who I was meant to help and inspire.

It would be other women like me, who struggle day in and day out with eating disorders and emotional eating  or maybe I should say who struggle with needing to find the way to self-love and self- forgiveness.

Because when I looked back through to all of those years and really thought about it, it was never really about the food.

So next time you catch yourself going to food for comfort, ask yourself without judgements or guilt: What is it that I am really needing in this moment, and what can I do to fill the void that food can never fulfill? Maybe it's forgiveness or love!

Until next time!

My love, courage and strength to you, 

See what I am up to at: www.nancyalbright.com